True Crimes

June 13, 2009 on 11:07 am | In Around the House |

9-1-1: Nine One One, What’s your emergency?

Me: We have a toilet paper molester.

Shredded TP

9-1-1: A What?

Me: You know. “Some”one has molested our toilet paper. Shredded it.  Left it for dead.

Shredded TP

9-1-1: Do you want me to send a squad car?

Me: No. It’s too late. We just need help finding the perpetrator. We think it has fur.

9-1-1: Well then. You can come down to the station house and look through our mug shots.

Suspect 1

Suspect 2

Suspect 3

We think it’s the monkey.

XOXO,
Anna

85 Comments »

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  1. LOLOL!!!! my hubby and i both are rolling with laughter! too funny…this deserves the funniest post of the year award! ?

    Comment by t — June 13, 2009 #

  2. That was too darned funny!

    Comment by MichelleB — June 13, 2009 #

  3. I am on the floor laughing and peeing my pants!

    Comment by Judy — June 13, 2009 #

  4. how funny. i never knew how feisty they were! i’m lovin’ my little kitten, but she’s a nut!

    Comment by julie isa — June 13, 2009 #

  5. BWAH HA HAHA HA HAHAHA!!! You are so funny, Thimbleanna. I’ll be it was a “group toilet paper molestation”, LOL! Those little furry buddies of yours are quite the “troublemakers” aren’t they?

    Those photos are hilarious and adorable at the same time. :)

    Comment by tattingchic — June 13, 2009 #

  6. I’ll have to go with the white cat cos our white cat used to do that too, grab the loo roll with its teeth and front paws and kick the living daylights out of it with the back paws

    Comment by periwinkle — June 13, 2009 #

  7. OMG Anna I’m just glad I didn’t have any Diet Coke in my mouth…I would have ruined another laptop. That is absolutely hysterical! You are too much!

    Comment by Carol — June 13, 2009 #

  8. bahahahahaha.
    of course it was the monkey!!!

    Comment by rachel — June 13, 2009 #

  9. It’s definitely the monkey - I caught a quick glimpse of him at my house too - too bad he got away! I think you should put out an APB on him.

    S.W.A.K.

    Comment by Marsha — June 13, 2009 #

  10. Very Funny! Put them all under house arrest! Especially the monkey.

    Comment by Janet — June 13, 2009 #

  11. Brilliant Anna! But I reckon it was really TMotH!!!!!

    Lucy xxx

    Comment by Lucy Locket-Pocket — June 13, 2009 #

  12. Your are way toooo much! Funny and cute!

    Comment by Pat — June 13, 2009 #

  13. How funny!! At our house it would have been the tulip-eating puppy. He also likes toilet paper and kleenex. Maybe I’ll actually get some sewing done while he’s off for 6 weeks at “school” with Hannah since I won’t be cleaning up after his messes.

    Comment by Donna Coulter — June 13, 2009 #

  14. mmmm hmmmm.
    this has happened at crocker house many times. no photographic evidence though. next time.

    thanks for the giggles.

    the yard looks great BTW! AND i’ll be up your way in a few weeks picking up my son. perhaps we can arrange a sit and knit?

    Comment by melly~ — June 13, 2009 #

  15. That’s a laugh I needed. Thank you! LMAO!!

    Comment by Jen — June 13, 2009 #

  16. This is why I love your posts so much!!! You made my day!

    Comment by nicolette — June 13, 2009 #

  17. That’s pretty funny! Ya gotta love cats! They are so adorable yet they destroy toilet paper and couches. Did you happen to see the orange shoe massacre?

    Comment by Kimberly — June 13, 2009 #

  18. Undoubtedly it was the monkey. I can tell from his oh-so-guilty face. The cats look too innocent.

    Comment by Elaine/MuddlingThrough — June 13, 2009 #

  19. I think the monkey looks like a suspicious little guy! Your cats are like mine. He is great at decorating cards, paper and other misc things with his teeth, cute little hole punch that he is…

    Comment by Rachel — June 13, 2009 #

  20. Not sure but the fella in the third picture looks pretty shifty!

    Comment by trashalou — June 13, 2009 #

  21. lol! That brought back memories. I had an eighteen month old son who committed such crimes… over 22 years ago!

    Comment by Gina — June 13, 2009 #

  22. C:\Users\Kirby\Pictures\2009-03-30 New Kitties

    I don’t know the one in the middle looks a lot like these 2, and they are into everything. To funny Anna.

    Comment by Jewels — June 13, 2009 #

  23. Ha haaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Love those mugshots!

    Looks like Moog has a toilet-tissue-murdering accomplice Stateside! Just what is it about (usused!) toilet tissue that offends our hairy children so much?
    xxx

    Comment by Lesley — June 13, 2009 #

  24. I was on the phone with my mom when I opened your blog—and I just started laughing out loud!!!! Too funny.

    One time Victor dialed 911 and the police sent a squad car. I tried to blame the cat. Pretty embarrassing. XO

    Comment by Jill — June 13, 2009 #

  25. Yes, yes, definitely the monkey. He’s got that gleam in his eye, and we all know that those sweet kitties would never even THINK of doing something like that.

    We have our own little toilet paper monkey at home - he’s 13 and just loves to experment with the stuff - you know, throw a wet wad of it at the ceiling and see how long it takes to come down on someone’s head1

    Comment by christina — June 13, 2009 #

  26. OMG OMG OMG - I’m laughing so hard I need to tinkle

    Hugs - Mrs. Farmhouse

    Comment by Karen — June 13, 2009 #

  27. love. the. monkey.
    i think i have a collection started - i kept saying they were for the grandkids, but they’re here with me.
    did you do drugs in a previous life ms. anna?
    always, robin

    Comment by Robin Brown — June 13, 2009 #

  28. Thanks for a great laugh. I needed that!
    Dana Fisher

    Comment by The Quilted Librarian — June 13, 2009 #

  29. I dunno about the monkey… that second cat looks a little shifty to me.

    HILARIOUS!!!

    Comment by Rachel — June 13, 2009 #

  30. Heehee!

    Comment by Di — June 13, 2009 #

  31. Love those mug shots - you are seriously funny!

    Comment by jodie — June 13, 2009 #

  32. LOL! That started my day with a smile.

    Comment by Sarah — June 13, 2009 #

  33. that’s hilarious

    Comment by VickieE — June 13, 2009 #

  34. It wasn’t the top guy. I can vouch for his whereabouts on the night of the crime! He was here, weaving in and out between my ankles……………which is also a crime of sorts, since I could end up at the hosp[ital in traction. Or maybe that was his twin brother.

    Best laugh I’ve had in days!

    Comment by molly — June 13, 2009 #

  35. ROFLOL! Oh, my goodness, lady. You crack me up!!!

    Comment by Jean — June 13, 2009 #

  36. Ah, whats a kitty to do for a little play. At least it wasn’t your wool pincushion - I have lost about 3 of those so far. Cute post!

    Comment by Teresa — June 13, 2009 #

  37. No way!!! I’m going for 4633568. Those innocent eyes don’t fool me for a second ROFLOL!!!
    Hugs,
    Joy :o)

    Comment by Joy — June 13, 2009 #

  38. I don’t know Anna, now are you SURE? Them some serious charges you know. I think 4633568 has a pretty guilty look on his face!

    Comment by Penny — June 13, 2009 #

  39. Seriously, I check to see if you have a new post EVERYday. I usually smile about something you wrote, too. Today, I laughed my head off and then I had to show my husband (who is not quilty or sew-y at all) and he laughed his head off. THANK YOU!!!!!!

    Comment by melissa — June 13, 2009 #

  40. You are so funny. :) LOL

    Comment by Dandelion Quilts — June 13, 2009 #

  41. Hahahahahah, that is hilarious!! Those mug shots look like some pretty suspicious characters!
    We adopted another little dog this week from a rescue group and she is FULL OF IT. Hopefully I don’t have to make any calls of my own to 911~!

    Comment by rohanknitter — June 13, 2009 #

  42. Love the mug shots! They all look so innocent too.

    Comment by Lisa — June 13, 2009 #

  43. *lol* it has to be the monkey… the other suspects look soooo innocent!

    Comment by toni — June 14, 2009 #

  44. Hi hi hi, what a funny post. You sure brought a big smile to my face this earliy morning.

    Comment by Nancy — June 14, 2009 #

  45. Ha, better get a dna swab kit.

    Comment by pam — June 14, 2009 #

  46. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, my! Hee hee! That has to be one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read.

    I think it’s the monkey, too. You know what kind of business those monkeys get up to… :)

    Comment by Sarah — June 14, 2009 #

  47. anna, I think it’s the monkey, kittied don’t use toilet paper. If you had a dog I would say it was the dog, but I think that monkey is the culprit. He has a guilty look on his face.

    Comment by Tracey Craig — June 14, 2009 #

  48. We have that crime problem too, but for us, it is a bunny. Clarice

    Comment by clarice — June 14, 2009 #

  49. Maybe the monkey has been set up to take the blame and it was the one trying too hard to look innocent, the white one. I say hair analysis is required here.

    Comment by Janet — June 14, 2009 #

  50. Anna, you are just too funny! I love this post, nothing like a good laugh to brighten your day!

    Comment by Jackie — June 14, 2009 #

  51. Anna, you crack me up!!!! I’m still laughing. Love the “Dragnet-style” dialog…Joe Friday would have loved this case!

    Comment by Junie — June 14, 2009 #

  52. Why the monkey–is it because cat’s don’t have opposable thumbs?!! It’s an inside job and the monkey is being framed. LOL!

    Comment by Susan — June 14, 2009 #

  53. LOL!!

    Comment by lori — June 14, 2009 #

  54. LOL!! I’m glad I wasn’t drinking my coffee just then. You KNOW the monkey did it - all the other ‘perps’ point to him (her?)!!

    Comment by Nan — June 14, 2009 #

  55. LOL! How could you ever suspect those two innocent kitties - there is no way anyone that cute could be guilty. It has to be the monkey!

    Comment by jo — June 14, 2009 #

  56. Too funny Anna, my girl,
    Which cat is the culprit?
    Mars loves styrofoam meat trays and to flush the toilet and run… No toilet paper rolls though..
    Thanks for the great giggle..
    Well done!
    Hugs,
    Anna

    Comment by Anna — June 14, 2009 #

  57. LOL! Insert side-splitting laughter and a roll on the floor here. That is hoilarious, made even more so by the fact that we too have a toilet roll molester and I so want to call the cops now!!! xxx

    Comment by Sandra @ Pepperberry & Co. — June 14, 2009 #

  58. Oh my gosh, that was so funny. Thanks for the chuckle.

    Comment by Stacy — June 14, 2009 #

  59. Thanks for the laugh! Now teach that cat to change the roll!
    P.S. the black cat looks guilty.

    Comment by Suzie Labert — June 14, 2009 #

  60. Anna, You are priceless & gorgeous!!

    Comment by meggie — June 15, 2009 #

  61. Ha ha ha….I’m rolling on the floor laughing my guts out! Poor kitties…poor monkey!

    Comment by Jade — June 15, 2009 #

  62. He, he, he!
    I love that police- photos of your kittys.

    Comment by Janine — June 15, 2009 #

  63. Oh my goodness, who amongst who have had pets haven’t experienced this toilet paper mutilation crime? It’s making me laugh so hard — and I do indeed suspect the monkey.

    Comment by Junie Moon — June 15, 2009 #

  64. Anna you are too funny! I think whoever forgot to put the paper on the holder is to blame, and we know it wasn’t the Mom of the House.

    Comment by Shawn ; ) — June 15, 2009 #

  65. you’ve gone off the deep end.

    just so you know.

    Comment by brigita — June 15, 2009 #

  66. Definitely the monkey!!!! :-)

    Comment by MJ Smith — June 15, 2009 #

  67. lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol………..

    Comment by Annalea — June 15, 2009 #

  68. Oh sister Anna……. I needed this! Those kitty mugshots are priceless! I MUST take some of my kitty. He hasn’t yet shredded the t.p., but he is a criminal, he has unrolled a roll of paper towels and smooshed them into his litter box. Too bad our kitties can’t have sleepovers…..at your house. hehe GO TEAM LEFLEUR!!! xoxoxo

    Comment by AnyoneCanQuilt — June 15, 2009 #

  69. ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! You kill me!!! I swear the monkey did it.

    Comment by Sharon — June 16, 2009 #

  70. Anna, Anna! Poor little monkey! Don’t blame him for what you..hmmm, I mean others did! LOL!
    Anyway, I guess whoever did this, was having a wonderful time!

    Comment by May Kristin — June 16, 2009 #

  71. What a fantastic post! I just love those mug shots - did you find the guilty party? I strongly suspect the one at the top!

    Comment by Rowan — June 16, 2009 #

  72. The kids are convinced that the monkey is being framed. I have to agree.

    Comment by Kristy — June 16, 2009 #

  73. The monkey looks innocent to me! I can totally relate to this emergency, I recall many puppy days when the house looked like a snowstorm had hit it. Sug still likes to steal the toilet roll every so often, just to keep her hand in, but normally just moves it to a different room and abandons it. Which I can live with!

    Comment by Vanessa — June 16, 2009 #

  74. LOVE the silver bird . . . off to see Emma

    Comment by Annie — June 17, 2009 #

  75. Are you sure it’s not the squirrels? They are just tricky enough to frame your feline friends (they included the stuffed monkey because they think it’s a riot). I think that toilet paper mess looks a lot like the patio furniture. Yep. It’s the squirrels. They’re a whole lot of cute masking a life of crime and deception.

    Comment by Cassie — June 17, 2009 #

  76. Best mug shots I’ve even seen!

    Comment by Claire — June 18, 2009 #

  77. O.
    M.
    G.
    I’m cracking up. Crack. Ing. Up!
    Were your ears burning today? SW3 and I were talking about you. Soooooooooooooooooooo wish you were there. You SHOULD have been there. I think you need to visit your Oregon sisters. I do. I really think you do.

    Comment by happy zombie — June 19, 2009 #

  78. Oh your cat is so funny and cute! I decided to reveal myself since I’ve been lurking for a while now.

    Comment by Nattiebittie — June 21, 2009 #

  79. Never trust a monkey that wont look you in the eye!

    Comment by Kellie — June 22, 2009 #

  80. Hahahahahahahaha … oh Anna, I’m just sat here doing some blog lurking and this post is precisely what I miss about blogging and bloggers. Bonkers! I love it.

    xx

    Comment by Kitty — June 23, 2009 #

  81. I am not a laugh out loud person. Usually I smile when something is funny. It is a family thing. Anyway this post made me laugh out loud and chuckle! So clever. Those darn cats I mean monkey! haha

    Comment by nanette — June 23, 2009 #

  82. Bahahaha! We have a serial paper shredder here too.

    Comment by cathy — June 23, 2009 #

  83. OMG - just spat sandwich all over my keyboard, seriously LOL :)
    Our paper shredder has an accomplice and they both bark - they also make it look like snow all over our garden - nice effect except we live in Australia where there is no snow!

    Comment by Tessa — August 25, 2009 #

  84. You will never know how much I needed this (You) in my life today! Thank you so very much for a Hard Hitting Laugh Out Loud My Stomach Hurts So Much, I am printing it out and Hanging it Up, so I can enjoy this good medicine Daily. I just found your Blog yesterday!
    P.S. Also, I am getting a John Deere tractor so I can lose weight! God Bless Your Sense!

    Comment by gayle — September 16, 2009 #

  85. Thanks for the laugh :-)
    Please don’t give our furball ideas !

    Comment by Hanne — February 15, 2010 #

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